In the end, these things tend to work out.

I guess I'm in a relationship again.

His name is Matt.

Yes, I have discovered another cat. I've named him Louie for no good reason. Penny discovered him on our doorstep last night and freaked out, so I scooped him up and put him in the basement. He's big gray tabby and I loves him. You would love him too. Would you like a wonderful loving kitty that purrs and purrs and purrs? He also talks. Plenty.

Either way, I shall find him a home or deliver him to a no-kill shelter. It is far too cold for him to be outside. H's currently burrowing his head into my hand and shredding the towel he's on by kneading.

Happily back in Dream Land. Yes, that's right I feel sort of like a housewife or the mother of two boys. I often can't decide which. Mayhap both. My only responsibilities are... well, them, the house, and myself. It's glorious. Mike works week days in the lab during work day hours, and Carl has one class (Easy, Wonderful Theater) that I've taken before and works occasionally at Harry Mart.

I'm sitting with my kittens folding clothes and making phone calls. I never knew this little hands free head set my mom gave me for christmas was going to be so well-used. I'm washing all my clothes and doing an uber house clean. Starting with the first floor and working my way up (avoiding my room as long as possible, of course.)

I've been very good at getting things done because there is very little that is absolutely necessary.

I was amused to note that the house I have been chasing after as of late is in fact the exact same house I was chasing before (the one that sold). How ironically awesome is that?

I finished the book I was reading - Maledicte. Comments on pronunciation? I enjoyed it. I think you gave me that, Kels. Thanks ^-^.

The last two days have been shopping with my mother and spending time with friends. People came over Sunday night and I had a really good time. I finished all my Christmas shopping today. Tomorrow I wrap, them that's all set. Oh, and I need to go mail Kate's present. Because, as usual, I'm a loser and haven't done it yet.

I had sushi with Adam, Ryan, and Jimmy today. Yayay!! It's been awhile since I have happily eaten red bean ice cream. Jimmy asked what it tastes like... Well... red bean. Here, try.

I've decided to go to the Chinatown Ice Cream Factory in NY when the weather warms up a bit. They're supposed to have tons of crazy flavors, and I'm curious to try.

Mike and I played Sonic 3 on my wii last night. Well... he played and I flew around as Tails and died continuously.... but I beat all the bosses because there is no consequence to me dying. We're on the final boss- which I can't be involved in for some reason according to the game. It was fun.

I got up and went to pchem for some reason today. Don't really know why. I didn't learn anything. Now I have to study for my japanese written final. (Which is the conclusion of the class!!)

It's nice to be back. I missed Mike and Carl... despite the fact that Carl has been with Colleen for all except 10 minutes this morning, lol. I guess he missed her! ^-^ I missed my girls, too. They're being loving after their initial bout of "I hate you for abandoning me."

I found out that my bio exam is Thursday and not tomorrow. Oh HELLZ YES! That just made me not want to kill myself. Oh, I slept from 9 until 2AM, that's why I'm awake. And I did my homework for IM! Go me! I'm on a roll for procrastinating bio.

I'm applying for a job over Winter Session in Newark. I hope it works out. I really want it. I hope it pays well, too.

I made turkey and toast cups for dinner, but they kind of sucked because the pimentos were bad. Crap. I usually love those, too. Next time, no risks. No pimentos.

Hey I'm definitely working on my desk right now instead of in the living room. I might try this more often now that my rooms are clean. WOAH, right? Yeah, my whole house is clean (except for Mike's room. That's his problem.)

---

For just one second today, I was in love with life. And wow. I felt so damn good, for that one second. Do normal people feel like that more often? I've never felt that before. I'm so freaking jealous.

I wish I could somehow learn the ability to do work when I'm lonely. But instead what do I do?


I sit with the kitten and think about nothing. Despite the epic amount of homework in front of me.

Who's doing Black Friday? I considered it... And realized that I had no necessity. The rest of my shopping is planned out. And Aaron and Ben don't need me to help buy a TV and a suit. I just have to buy a wii for my Mom (from my Dad... I just do the shopping.) She wants to play wii fit. How is that thing?

P.S. Party Thing at my house tomorrow night at 7. Say something about whether or not your coming. Oh, and bring me food if you want.

Happy Thanksgiving, Americans.

I learned something today. I can reboot myself when I feel depression coming on. Rather like a computer... except it takes longer. This is fantastic.

Aaron and Ben came home last night. Ben brought his kitten (whom I share mutual feelings of love with).
Sarah came over; we hung out and played games. It was awesome. I missed my Sarah so freaking much.

Yesterday I went Christmas shopping, and I'd say I did pretty well. I need to make a list.

Mom
Kate
Adam
Sarah
Kelsey
Sonya
Nina
Emilia
Candace
Wendy
Ryann

Edit:
Dad
Brian
Jimmy
Graham

To finish before leaving on Sunday:
Mark
Chris
Mike (decided)
Carl (decided)
Aaron
Ben

Okay, so I did the easy ones, but I have ideas for the others! Ideas I say!! Well some.

I went and had laser therapy on my face instead of my normal acid peel. So I did get my face burned off... just by broad spectrum light instead of acid. It wasn't bad. Annoying, but not bad. We'll see if it actually does anything.

My parents are redoing their bathroom because it's full of black mold, so everyone is using my shower downstairs. Unfortunately, my shower leaks like a mother if not used properly. No one understands how to use it... so very soon I figure my bathroom is gonna be full of black mold, too. I suppose we'll all take showers in the giant tub upstairs with a hand sprayer. So we can get that room full of mold as well. Poor house.

Today, I do homework. I eat delicious food. I play with kitties. I hang out with the fams. I relax.

Have a great day, everyone.

Yay! The week is over! No quiz tomorrow and my japanese essay isn't due until next week! I even finished my IM report for today (so proud of self). And thus, here I am in bio, not paying attention, yet again. We're on basic genetics. Woot.

It's snowing again, and I was lucky in that Mike has an exam today and needed to be woken up (and therefore could take me to class.)

My exam last night wasn't too bad... I think. All the practical stuff was easy anyway. So many had trouble using the world's oldest spec. Sad. Currently little freshman are bitching about that. Thank the lord I don't have to go to lab under uber bitch Autumn again.

I'm in a rather pleasant mood- I hope nothing screws that up.

I made delicious linguini with meat sauce last night. I was a happy camper.

I was kind of annoyed because I couldn't go salsa dancing last night because of my IM report... but it's okay. There's a big swing thing on Friday with a live band. I'm really happy to be dancing again. I can't believe that I chose not to do it for so long. I need to do more things for me. I need to sing and write and make things. Maybe I'll buy a sewing machine. I bet I'd like that. But really, I need to find new things that I'm interested in. Any ideas of how to figure that out? Any ideas in general?

Alright, enough rambling. Must change classes. More rambling later.

Another hell week and I'm two days in. Three days in... and I'll be okay. I just need to write this damn bio report and bash my way through a lab exam. Suckage.

Classes for Spring (uber light):

Japanese 209: Intermediate Conversation
Intro to Ballroom Dance
Physical Chemistry II
PChem II Lab
Inorganic Chemistry
IChem Lab
Japanese Calligraphy

Except Friday, I don't have class until 1:30. Is So Excited. I hate bio so much that I'm gonna take the next one at rvc after I get the damn thing approved. No way I'm taking it for nothing.


I have read two ridiculously shojo manga in the last few days on onemanga.com: Cat Street and Absolute Boyfriend. I read the second because I recognized the mangaka and I read the first because... well, the word "cat" is in it. Predictable, ne? And this is how I've been avoiding the excessive and increasing pile of work on my table.


Carl, Mike, and I now take random excursions to Iron Hill Brewery for nachos. Sweeet....

Must write paper. Failing so hard.

I want it.
No such luck.
It -should- be a good weekend even with the paper work, though. Exams are coming up again. -_-"

Mike, Carl, and I finished our puzzle last night. Now we shall frame it and start on the 3000 piecer. Hard core puzzle drinking.

Japanese and then freedom. Woot! Excited for swing dance tonight!

After having my roommates for Saturday night (Brian and Angie) sleep in until about 3:30, Brian and I went to Potstickers and he kindly treated me to wasabi encrusted filet. It was really freaking good.

Studied with Kyle and Mike for a little while. Ineffective.

Woke up this morning to one of those evil muscle spasms that take away my ability to move my head in different direction. I won't be seeing the sky or anything to my right for awhile. I was supposed to go see Still Remains and Secret and Whisper with Brian and Carl tonight, but I didn't think I could handle it. So Carl took my ticket so he wouldn't have to buy one it worked out alright. I've just been lying on Angie's heating pad groaning. Even a two hour lap forced on by muscle relaxants didn't help me out.

This may have been brought about by the stress I was put on in phys therapy yesterday. She attached electrodes to my arm and forced streoids into me that way. It felt like 7000 burning needles stabbing me over and over again for 15 minutes. And it quite literally burned me. I have burns. She says it's normal. Fuck that! Now it hurts worse than before AND I can't move.

Moving on, Last night was really fun. We had a party in Brian's room with lots of people that I like. We played video games and made drinks and in general enjoyed our fair share of liquor. Yay good times! Facebook pics up later.

I went skirt shopping at Kohl's and was fairly unsuccessful. Bleh. Acquired a pretty shirt, though.

B in orgo now. I'm displeased. I want a good mark so I can go work in Europe next summer. You guys can come visit then, neh? We'll be crazzzaay. I'm actually going back to lab on Tuesday, lol. After skipping two full weeks. Meh. It happens.

What I want: popsicles.
My tummy is full of Cinnamon bread from Pepperidge farm. That stuff is addicting!

Nihonjin- Japanese
Gaikokujin- Foreigner

That's all you need to know to understand the video.

I successfully avoid high heel blisters by using paper tape. Yay.

This week has been a bit of a waste. I've been trying to work on my paper with little to know success. Well, untrue; I did a shit ton of research today. But the whole writing part hasn't actually started yet.

81.5 on my orgo exam. Pissed. Deserved an A. Whatever.


The urge to do nothing is coming on excessively strong. I want it to be summer. I need it to be summer. For the love of god, someone make it be summer already! Man, what I am going to do when I have a job, and there is no summer vacation. Hmmm...

The weekend is winding down to a close, and this is making me grumpy. I have a hell's worth of work to do on my paper, considering I have done next to nothing so far. Ah, procrastination. I watched Advent Children again last night. Yay, pretty! Angie and I have been cleaning the room today. We're nearly finished- mostly all I have left is laundry.

Friday night consisted of Marcus' birthday party at Shawn's house. It was supposed to be beach themed, but most of us didn't bother. We had fun. Let's just say Marcus had a bit too much, though. Aw.... I've finally made lunch plans with him... after about a month. Ha.

In Japanese class, I regress to the psyche of a fourth grader. And although I wasn't actually the problem child in my fourth grade class, I think I actually count as said kid now. I have to say, I make a lot of trouble in Miller's class. Honestly, if he's going to treat me like I'm ten then that's exactly how I intend to act. It simultaneously amuses me and pisses me off.

I spent most of the day working, sleeping, or just being with Brian. The weather was beautiful, and I wore a pretty dress. I was happy about it.

Ah. Here we are again. The slight lapse in my medication due to the impedance of other pills or lack of something that would usually be in my daily routine has arrived. Or, it could be that something has actually overcome the forced serotonin production. Honestly, I can't tell you what brings on these bouts of insane depression.

But this one... this one is extremely odd. Brian and Angie are doing homework in my room; they haven't noticed anything because I'm not acting oddly. I'm taking a break from failing research. I'm not crying and I don't need or want to. This is odd. I usually hide somewhere with an attempt to take out the screaming, lashing, freezing ache on something other than myself.

This time the darkness and the emptiness have arrived, one could say right on schedule, but something is very much missing. The weakness. The worthlessness. The confusion.

I'm... well, I'm how I used to be. Back when every thought felt inhuman. Uncompassionate. Narrowed. Calculating. Cruel. I didn't care.

And today. Right now. I don't care. I could do anything.

The laughter bubbles inside me. It's back.

Although still painfully ill, I spent yesterday in D.C. running around the Cherry Blossom Festival. I'm amused to admit that our trees here in Delaware at my building's entrance are far more beautiful. Likely because the ones at the festival have been tortured by tourists. Centeno, her roommate, Brian, and I ran around the Japanese stalls (and there were many,) and I spent much time scowling at the women who were selling poorly self-made kimonos. I got a pork bun for lunch. I was so freaking happy. I used 122 tissues yesterday. I know this because I went through an entire box. Wow. Just wow. Centeno thought it would be a clever idea to wear heels... poor decision, Bec-chan. It was fun; naturally, I over-exerted myself and was stuck in bed for a couple hours after I got home. Then I went and cleared out my sinuses with scrumptious food at the Saigon. Yay spicy spicy.

Today, it seems my cold has begun moving down from my head to my throat. This pleases me greatly. Now, although I cannot breathe or speak, at least I can think slightly better. Which may keep me from becoming extremely irritated at minor details and yelling at people. I know, I know, that happens normally, too. I'm hoping for an improvement anyway.

Weird dreams last night. I need to do something. Hmmm.... what? Perhaps it stemmed from the research I'm doing for my paper... or the strawberry ice cream and sprite I decided I absolutely needed last night. One may never know.

Organic test on Wednesday, unless my healing curve picks up the slope (ouch... neeeeeeeerd) it'll be the second exam where illness poorly affects my mark. This sucks.

I found a Waffle House just across the Maryland border (6 miles away, lolz) and demanded to be taken to it. I've been very demanding today. At least I'm not yelling. That's good. Maybe it's because I can't yell. Yeah, that's probably it. I hadn't been to a Waffle House in about 3 years. And then spent most of the day in bed with Brian playing brawl. I think I'm pathetic, but I'm chocking (is that spelled write? I've never actually known how to spell it... firefox doesn't mind it) it up to being sick.

Study organic! Why yes, yes I should intelligent part of my brain. Unfortunately, the motivating part of my brain is not getting enough oxygen to work.